[March 26, 2009 0603p] Maybe next time when I see your face again, I will tell you that I loved you. And if this is to be the end, well, hey. That's it. We have tasted life, we have taken all. With a big breath out and a big breath in. We sang la, la, la. And if it seems that I've been a little down, I will blame it on the fact that you ain't been coming around. I heard nothing gold will stay. Well, hey. That's it. You were the gentlest gentleman. La, La, La. 5    !!!

'Til the glowing begins. [January 24, 2009 1119p] I will recover my sense of grace and rediscover my rightful place. Yes, and cover my face with the morning. In the darkness, after the cocaine lights, I will miss you more than ever. 3    !!!

[January 24, 2009 0909p] It has been forever since I've felt like I've known you. Since I have felt clean, like bright morning light on my face. I haven't been hungry in days, it's as if my stomach is directly connected to the vividness of my memory. If I can still feel your chest, so warm, pressed against my throat, I'm heaping my plate with seconds. Most days, your face is forgotten in folds of my eyelids, lost and swimming there. But I woke up this mid-morning with feeling. With cold, cold hands. With small, white flowers on my lips. 3    !!!

[January 17, 2009 0654p] My history papers are all really about you. I miss when my bruises came so easily. I said yes, that time, when you asked me. My dreams are always so bare but I tried so hard, you know. It has been years and finally I love you. I guess. !!!

[December 13, 2008 1022p] Remember when we saw that boy, sitting outside, his palms pressed against his eyes, sitting up too straight for someone so wretched? Remember? He said, I needed that money. For the kids, to heat the house, the needle drugs. All his dreams are dry, now. He is just the strange sound that turned-off radios make. He is holding out, I swear. I didn't even care about it. But you did, sure you did. This one goes out to you. Yes, you there. Yes, I'll buy you another drink. 4    !!!

ME. [December 08, 2008 0540p] I went to a cobbler to fix a hole in my shoe. He took one look at my face and said, "I can fix that hole in you." "I beg your pardon, I'm not looking for a cure. I've seen enough of my friends in the depths of the godsick blues." You know I am a liar. And nobody helps a liar. And you don't know what I've done. 2    !!!

[November 14, 2008 0957p] Believe it. !!!

[March 23, 2008 0740p] My Grandfather died, on my mom's birthday. I already miss him. And so- All the black days, unleashed by the rain, collapse into sunny defeat. We live in a house with the roof lifted out, impossible blue while we sleep. Ready yourself, extinguish your doubts, the hour of your strength is nearing. And God will take care of us...at least some of us. At least those of us that He wants, and disappear from most of us, keep clear from most of us. Besides those of us that He haunts. !!!

You do. [January 29, 2008 0526p] You were balancing the leaves on a backyard tree, leaning over the railing you're standing on. All the blood that has gone to your head disagrees with the bricks that it's spilling on. You awaken to words, not ready to hear: "The dog's put to sleep. Your brother no longer lives here. But Thanksgiving is coming, and you have such a wonderful scar, dear." When you were jumping out of your sensitive skin for seventeen years, shivering- lonely, everyday. From the workshops and fig trees and fingers gone missing, secrectly strange. Your balance has vanished. "While you were unconcious, the quiet ones crowded the stage." When you were choking on fire, your breathing gone south, in front of your friend's house, too late. All the ashes are flying beside her tonight, uncovering everything. All the sickness built up in your body is over, so final and suddenly. Tunnels of light come alive while putting your life to sleep.  You awaken to words, not ready to hear, unrecognizable, perfectly clear: "But Thanksgiving is coming, and you have such a wonderful scar, dear." !!!

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